My 2025 Goal is to Suck at More Things...

...and that's actually a good thing.

I’ve spent my entire life being paralyzed by the fear of being bad at stuff. Or worse yet, being seen being bad at stuff. I grew up, like a lot of people, with a dad who only spoke the language of Winning. My dad, god bless him, is just as anxious and insecure as I have been at times in my life, but he compensated for it by building himself a suit of armor made of achievements and aptitude. And not just aptitude, but NATURAL aptitude. Effortless aptitude. Before my brain was even developed enough to make lasting memories, I was already being regaled with tales about every sport, activity, or hobby he was able to thrive at the second he picked them up. A lot of people play Mozart for their babies in the womb; my dad told my mother’s pregnant belly about the time he struck out Bucky Dent in an Instructional League Baseball game. (Go ahead. Google Bucky Dent. He’s real, I promise.)

So as a little boy growing up worshipping the Greek God of “I’m awesome at everything”, my most intense core fear was, and has been, sucking at ANYTHING. If this man — my idol — is teaching me how to be a man, then it stands to reason that real men don’t falter, or fail, or fuck up, or god forbid look stupid. This innate fear of looking stupid has kept me from trying or learning a ridiculous number things, some of which are pretty insignificant: I can’t rollerblade/roller skate/ice skate. I do know how to ride a bike, but not well and avoid doing it at all costs, even when renting Ebikes on vacation in Fort Myers, Florida would make my ex-partner SO HAPPY. I NEVER dance, especially now that I don’t drink anymore because nothing is worse than being completely sober and present and aware of how bad you are at something while doing it, WHICH IS NOT WHAT DANCING IS ABOUT, BRYAN. But I can’t get out of my own way enough to enjoy it.

Other things I’ve been afraid to do have certainly had larger impacts on my life’s direction. I didn’t take any risks. I never tried to start a business. I never took a real consistent shot at being a writer, even though even I could admit that I had a natural aptitude for it. I straight up did not date in my 20’s. I had no confidence in my ability to attract women, be in a relationship with them, or please them, either in life or in bed.

The thing I’ve come to realize, mostly through working with children in my day to day life, and listening to the things I say to them is this: you don’t suck at something; you just haven’t practiced it enough to get good at it yet. This is true for the sport of tennis, which I teach people to play every day, it’s true for communicating with people in your life, and it’s true for taking risks. And it’s not only ok to suck at something for a while before you get the hang of it, IT’S NORMAL TO. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SUCK AT FIRST.

So here we are now. It’s 2025. I’m attempting a career change that involved taking classes (a thing I had previously written off as something else I was terrified to try and fail), I’m starting a new business, building my own website, starting a podcast, etc. My therapist asked me the other day if I felt ready; if I felt I had gathered all the tools to get myself started, and I told her, “Absolutely not. But for the first time in my life, that doesn’t deter me from continuing to move forward.” I generally have no idea how to start a business or a podcast from scratch and I CAN NOT WAIT to suck at it…for a while.